Soft as a Feather ~ Terry & Paul

End of Life Lessons in Friendship.

Terri and I became fast friends when we enrolled in a Visiting Volunteer training program at a local hospice. We were both drawn to the idea of offering comfort and companionship to those at the end of life. Not too long into the training her husband Paul was diagnosed with a terminal illness.

Being present in Terri’s life during this time filled me with immense gratitude and inspiration, especially as I began my own journey of becoming a doula. Terri openly shared her experiences, frustrations, wishes, and values with me as she walked alongside Paul. I was given the privilege of witnessing this profound life-and-death experience as a new friend. Though it was an incredibly sad time, it also deepened a friendship that has become profoundly meaningful to me.

Terri and Paul’s love story took on new depth as they navigated the journey of his illness together. Terri was not only his partner but also his caregiver, advocate, and constant source of strength. The hospice training originally planned to support strangers became profoundly personal. Presence, listening, and unconditional care now applied to the most important person in her life.

Paul told Terri that when the time came he would find a way to send her a sign that she would recognize.

After Paul passed, Terri found herself immersed in her grief, moving through her days in reflection, memories and longing. It wasn’t long before many, many feather messages arrived for Terri.

In 2020, her first winter without Paul, Terri was walking their dog Buddy in the neighborhood. She was talking out loud to Paul, feeling sad and miserable. She just happened to look down and saw a path of feathers that went for about 50 feet. She followed them down the sidewalk and into a school yard where they ended – at a dumpster! Terri felt as if Paul was telling her to get rid of those sad feelings and start looking for happier ones. Terri knew Paul was with her.

Then there was the time that Terri finally decided to go for a run even though she was missing her running partner so much. She went into the closet to get her running gear, took out a long sleeve shirt that was folded and tucked away. She brought it upstairs and laid it on the bed, and when she opened it up – you guessed it, there was a feather. She had one of her best runs that day.

Terri says now that Paul has brought her so many feathers it has started to make her laugh and she knows that was his mission. She began to save the feathers as they all tell a story of his presence in her life.

Terri and Paul’s story is one of love, loss, and the unseen threads that bind us beyond time and space. Their feather connection serves as a testament to the ways love and friendship whispers to us, even after goodbye.

It’s been four and a half years since Paul passed, and Terri has found love again—just as Paul had hoped she would.

In her quiet strength and continued presence, Terri keeps helping me weave the fabric of my own life.

The presence of loved ones after they’ve passed is something many people experience in deeply personal ways. Whether through a cardinal, butterfly, dragonfly, feathers or some other meaningful sign, these moments often evoke a sense of connection beyond what can be explained. In my work, I often give dimes to people and prompt them to keep an eye out for dimes as their loved ones are near. Many people are surprised at how many dimes they do find after this prompt.

For some, it’s a gentle reassurance—an echo of love that lingers even when the person is gone. For others, it’s an undeniable message, a confirmation that they are still near in some way. When you see one of these signs and think, “There’s Mom”, what follows might be a rush of warmth, a bittersweet ache, or even an unexpected feeling of peace.

It’s in those moments that time and space seem to bend. The boundary between the seen and unseen becomes thinner.

And maybe, just maybe, love continues to speak to us in ways we don't fully understand.