Don't Skip the Farewell: Why Ceremonies Matter

Have you ever told your loved ones there’s no need to hold a celebration of life or funeral after you’ve died? You might say, “I’ll be gone. It doesn’t matter. Don’t spend the money.”

If I were supporting you as your illness/end of life doula, I would gently encourage you to rethink that statement. I might even suggest considering holding a celebration of life before you die, if you have the opportunity. It’s often called a living celebration of life. After all, one last gathering to bring people together to say goodbye in person can make the journey far more meaningful.

I’d also invite you to reflect on the importance of ritual and ceremony—not for you, but for the people who will miss you when you’re gone. In the end, it really isn’t about you. It’s about honouring those left behind and gifting them a way to say goodbye.

When death comes unexpectedly, reality can be especially hard to face. And that is exactly what happened to two people I recently met. An unexpected death.

His name was Brian Jasson, and after what may have felt to some like a brief illness, he left this world.

Brian was well-known as the proprietor of Cheapies Record Store on King Street in Hamilton, Ontario, for over 40 years—a much-loved haven for music lovers. Before opening Cheapies, he ran Record World in Burlington and Hamilton. In 2020, Brian announced the closure of Cheapies to focus on himself and reflect on his great memories of Hamilton. His customers flocked to the store to say goodbye, sharing their own great memories of Cheapies.

On July 5th,2025 I was privileged to attend Brian’s Celebration of Life—or rather, Shakey’s Celebration of Life. Shakey was his nickname.

Just a few days earlier, thanks to my friend Patti (a close friend of Brian’s), I had met Shakey’s children—Strummer and Mimi—both remarkable people who also happen to be incredible musicians.

Mimi and Strummer, along with Brian’s close friend Harry White of Surfacefarm in Burlington, and with many others,  put together a beautiful celebration. While I didn’t know Brian personally, I felt connected to him through the gathering of those who loved him.

Together under the hot, sunny sky (and in some rainy moments that many said Brian surely sent our way), we shared music from the DJ, live performances, food, and conversation. As I walked around Surfacefarm—with its eclectic space filled with art, vintage furniture, bee hives, and so much more—I heard people talking about Brian. They spoke of the last time they saw him, that one moment he impacted their lives in a way they’ll never forget, and the shock of not being able to see him one last time. There was laughter. There were tears.

As I listened to Patti, Harry, Mimi, Strummer and Terry share their reflections on stage, I felt I came to know Shakey even more.

I believe it’s possible to love someone you’ve never met. What could I love about this person I’d never known? He helped create these two beautiful humans who honoured him with a celebration he may not have wanted, but they knew had to happen—for them, for his many friends, and for everyone who loved him. He also connected an entire city with his business of music. Easy to love!

Grief is also possible for someone you’ve never met. Whether we call it parasocial, disenfranchised, empathic, or vicarious grief—I experienced it. And I am thankful for it.

In community, healing begins. Brian’s community was there. It is sad and difficult to say goodbye but also beautiful to say so-long in this way.

Here is what I know for sure - this is the very reason to be together ~ to receive the gift of saying goodbye. Spend the money, gather in nature, eat good food, tip a glass or two, dance, say their name and keep on saying it.

Thank you Harry and Surfacefarm for such a fitting space to celebrate Brian and friends.

I wish for comfort and peace for Mimi and Strummer (and friends and family) on their grief journey.

And for Brian - I am wishing you a wondrous journey with love and gratitude.

·       Approved for submission by Strummer and Mimi Jasson